Here is something that I am seeing more and more of in the media: when the media doesn’t feel like reporting the news, they simply manufacture news by posing a question and then trying to answer it.
Tonight, I have scanned several reputable websites and amassed a few of those headlines. Below is a list of actual headlines from actual websites like cnn.com, abcnews.com, today.msnbc.com, ajc.com, and others.
Here is the beautiful part: in the interest of saving everyone time, I have taken the liberty of providing short, sweet, and to-the-point answers to these questions. My answers are in italics.
Is your money safe?
Yes.
So how bad was Ike?
Category 4.
The Credit Crunch: Where Is It Happening?
Where people do not live on budgets.
How will blocked bailout affect you?
Incomprehensible devastation.
Accrue a partner, accrue debt?
Accrue a partner???? “Honey I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you accrue me?”
Economy putting strain on your relationships?
Would you name your kid Exxon, Peach or Artist?
If I had a son, I would name him Artist. Then maybe we would discover that he was born with royal blood. Maybe we would even discover that he was actually a prince. The he could change his name to [---wait for it---] “The Prince Formerly Known as Artist.” I slay me.
Has NASA Lost the Right Stuff?
No. We put a man on the moon almost 40 years ago. China pulls off their 1st ever space walk last week and now we’re supposed to form a line in Bejing to hop the next rocket out of town and start a space colony on Mars? Please.
Will Ohio decide the presidency?
No.
Are You Addicted to Your E-Mail?
No.
Voting and Driving: Deadly Combination?
Yes. Other deadly combinations: snake charming and driving, brain surgery and driving, gymnastics and driving, jewelry appraisal and driving, orchestra conducting and driving, Greco-Roman wrestling and driving.
Is political debate hurting your marriage?
No. Our marriage is so much bigger than that.
Are you a powerful woman?
No.
[...] Mike Nelson … wow. Published September 30, 2008 Love and Marriage Most fun (not to mention clever and smart) man ever. Exhibit A. [...]
Kudos on the boy named Artist, very funny!